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2011-06-12, 11:26 AM
As two young boys are walking down a steep mountain path, the sun is nearing the horizon. "Jack," one says to the other, "Do you think we'll find Miroushon tomorrow?" Jack looks back, "Well Evan," he replies, "I hope we do. I wanna capture him and take him all the way to the championships!" They smile at each other and continue down the path.
Evan and Jack split up once they reach town, the sun has just hit the horizon, giving the landscape a deep orange color. As Evan is walking down the street, he passes by a dark alleyway, in the alleyway, a single claw reaches out and snags his shirt. He gets pulled into the alleyway and is face to face with a Voodoll! He turns to run, and with blinding speed, the Voodoll blocks his path! "Help!!" he cries out, to no avail. As he's backed into the corner, the creature smiles at him and reaches forward with it's huge claw...just before it snags him, a blue blur leaps down from the rooftop and hits the creature with an extremely sharp icicle. The Voodoll runs off into the night. As Evan gets up, he sees his rescuer. Sitting on a dumpster is a Skiarf. Evan reaches out to pet it and it climbs it's way up his arm and wraps itself around his shoulders. Evan knows that he must take this home and show Jack tomorrow.
The next morning, Evan and his Skiarf go to Jack's home, as they near the door, Jack leaps out of his second story window and rolls into the garden. He pops up with a smile. "Hey Evan," he starts, "What are you doing here?" As Jack asks his question, Skiarf sits up and gives him a wink. "What's that!" he says in amazement. "Oh," Evan says, "this is my new friend Skiarf." He smiles and scratches Skiarf behind the ears. Jack looks at the Skiarf and lightly touches one of it's arms. "Where'd you capture him?" he asks Evan. Evan takes Skiarf off his shoulders and holds him in his arms. "That's the funny thing..." he begins.
After hearing the story of what happened in the alleyway and how Evan acquired his new friend, Jack rushes inside. Shortly afterwards, he comes back out with a monster box in his hand. He hands it to Evan. "Here," he tells him, "Since you technically haven't captured it, now would be a good time, huh?" Evan looks at Skiarf. He sets Skiarf down and presses the button on the monster box, it grows to full size and he tosses it at Skiarf, it surrounds the creature in a shower of sparkles and light. The monster box falls to the ground, and without a shake, locks. Evan picks it up and sends out his new monster. Skiarf ambles up his arm and swats the monster box onto the ground. Evan picks it up and presses the button again. "You don't like being in there, huh buddy?" he asks his little friend. Jack pats Evan on the back. "Congrats, Evan." he says, "You're ahead of me in our quest to be champions, but not for long! I'm gonna get Miroushon, just you wait!" The boys laugh and get ready to hunt for Miroushon.
That was Evan's (and some of Jack's) backstory. Go ahead and leave a comment below. No one liners or "Pretty goods" I want serious criticism ^_^
Evan and Jack split up once they reach town, the sun has just hit the horizon, giving the landscape a deep orange color. As Evan is walking down the street, he passes by a dark alleyway, in the alleyway, a single claw reaches out and snags his shirt. He gets pulled into the alleyway and is face to face with a Voodoll! He turns to run, and with blinding speed, the Voodoll blocks his path! "Help!!" he cries out, to no avail. As he's backed into the corner, the creature smiles at him and reaches forward with it's huge claw...just before it snags him, a blue blur leaps down from the rooftop and hits the creature with an extremely sharp icicle. The Voodoll runs off into the night. As Evan gets up, he sees his rescuer. Sitting on a dumpster is a Skiarf. Evan reaches out to pet it and it climbs it's way up his arm and wraps itself around his shoulders. Evan knows that he must take this home and show Jack tomorrow.
The next morning, Evan and his Skiarf go to Jack's home, as they near the door, Jack leaps out of his second story window and rolls into the garden. He pops up with a smile. "Hey Evan," he starts, "What are you doing here?" As Jack asks his question, Skiarf sits up and gives him a wink. "What's that!" he says in amazement. "Oh," Evan says, "this is my new friend Skiarf." He smiles and scratches Skiarf behind the ears. Jack looks at the Skiarf and lightly touches one of it's arms. "Where'd you capture him?" he asks Evan. Evan takes Skiarf off his shoulders and holds him in his arms. "That's the funny thing..." he begins.
After hearing the story of what happened in the alleyway and how Evan acquired his new friend, Jack rushes inside. Shortly afterwards, he comes back out with a monster box in his hand. He hands it to Evan. "Here," he tells him, "Since you technically haven't captured it, now would be a good time, huh?" Evan looks at Skiarf. He sets Skiarf down and presses the button on the monster box, it grows to full size and he tosses it at Skiarf, it surrounds the creature in a shower of sparkles and light. The monster box falls to the ground, and without a shake, locks. Evan picks it up and sends out his new monster. Skiarf ambles up his arm and swats the monster box onto the ground. Evan picks it up and presses the button again. "You don't like being in there, huh buddy?" he asks his little friend. Jack pats Evan on the back. "Congrats, Evan." he says, "You're ahead of me in our quest to be champions, but not for long! I'm gonna get Miroushon, just you wait!" The boys laugh and get ready to hunt for Miroushon.
That was Evan's (and some of Jack's) backstory. Go ahead and leave a comment below. No one liners or "Pretty goods" I want serious criticism ^_^
![[Image: greyvodo.png]](http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/9010/greyvodo.png)
![[-]](https://forum.monstermmorpg.com/images/dark-fire/collapse.png)
2011-06-12, 08:38 PM
Okay i liked the story and some of the descriptions were thourough and the vocabulary was up to standard. I kinda saw the skiarf thing coming tho. It could have been longer but as it was only a backstory soo i would rate it a 8/10 
![[Image: 33db1vm.png]](http://i39.tinypic.com/33db1vm.png)
![[Image: tumblr_m8mm02adYC1qgqflko1_500.gif]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8mm02adYC1qgqflko1_500.gif)
2011-06-13, 03:09 AM
very nice job grey.i like the language selection and you seem to give good descriptions of events.i would like things to get a little longer once u get into the real story
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
2011-06-13, 07:34 AM
Oh yeah, that was just a few paragraphs to tell you about Evan and how he came to obtain Skiarf, the actual fanfic itself will be at least 5 times longer a chapter...
Yeah, I thought that it was a necessary story element.
Hahah, shortly after I showed my brother it, he said the same thing. He's pretty good at drawing anime characters too. We might be able to make like...a little 4 minute anime bit about Monster MMORPG.
(2011-06-13, 12:33 AM)Tobi Wrote: I Liked How You Add The Monster Box In The Story
Yeah, I thought that it was a necessary story element.
(2011-06-12, 08:43 PM)Dark_Flamez Wrote: i actually kind of got into it, this sounds pretty interesting im hoping for it to become an anime o.o
Hahah, shortly after I showed my brother it, he said the same thing. He's pretty good at drawing anime characters too. We might be able to make like...a little 4 minute anime bit about Monster MMORPG.
2011-06-13, 07:41 AM
awesome.and i look forward to reading thus...and to nitz finally posting a new i am nitsua chapter
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
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