Play PokemonPets 
Play MonsterMMORPG 
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2011-07-18, 11:12 AM
(This post was last modified: 2011-07-18, 11:15 AM by Metaknight.)
Flolz : umm HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO BEAT THAT THING
Larvitle: i got a plan dont worry
Flolz: whats the plan?...
Larvitle: you distract him then i use hyper flame on his back so he can fall down and we can run
flolz: WHY ME DISTRACT HIM? HE MIGHT SHOOT ME WITH A DRAGUR AURA
Larvitle: AHAAHAHAHAHA...i mean lets go do the plan!!
Flolz: got it
Battle between Dragur vs Flolz and Larvitle has started!
Hey dragur over here come get me!
Dragur:BLLLLAAARRGH
flolz: meep RUUUUUN
Dragur: LIGHTNING BOLT
Flolz weeeeeee
*flolz went flying into the sky*
Flolz: OUUUCH i fell hard
Dragur: TIME TO FIN...
Larvitle: HYPER FLAME
Dragur: *FALLS*
larvitle and flolz:RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN PAST HIIIIM
Dragur: uuurrgh
Flolz: theres the route to the store!
flolz: that was close... so were goin to masgrases store?
Larvitle: duh
Flolz: ok ill race u down there!
larvitle: WAIT FOR MEE!!
*30 minutes later*
Masgras:Howdeh Flolz and Larvitle!
Larvitle and flolz: hey masgras! here is the list we need for the food!
masgras: comin right up!
masgras:here are all ur items fellahs!
flolz and larvitle: thanks masgras!
masgras: any time folks any time..
*flolz and larvitle walk to there mom and dads house*
flolz: lets take a quick resting break on this log here
larvitle: yah im tired from walking
*they both rest*
*something sneaked up there groceries and took them*
*flolz and larvitle woke up...*
flolz and larvitle; WHERES OUR GROCERIES?!
To be continued in chapter 2....
Larvitle: i got a plan dont worry
Flolz: whats the plan?...
Larvitle: you distract him then i use hyper flame on his back so he can fall down and we can run
flolz: WHY ME DISTRACT HIM? HE MIGHT SHOOT ME WITH A DRAGUR AURA
Larvitle: AHAAHAHAHAHA...i mean lets go do the plan!!
Flolz: got it
Battle between Dragur vs Flolz and Larvitle has started!
Hey dragur over here come get me!
Dragur:BLLLLAAARRGH
flolz: meep RUUUUUN
Dragur: LIGHTNING BOLT
Flolz weeeeeee
*flolz went flying into the sky*
Flolz: OUUUCH i fell hard
Dragur: TIME TO FIN...
Larvitle: HYPER FLAME
Dragur: *FALLS*
larvitle and flolz:RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN PAST HIIIIM
Dragur: uuurrgh
Flolz: theres the route to the store!
flolz: that was close... so were goin to masgrases store?
Larvitle: duh
Flolz: ok ill race u down there!
larvitle: WAIT FOR MEE!!
*30 minutes later*
Masgras:Howdeh Flolz and Larvitle!
Larvitle and flolz: hey masgras! here is the list we need for the food!
masgras: comin right up!
masgras:here are all ur items fellahs!
flolz and larvitle: thanks masgras!
masgras: any time folks any time..
*flolz and larvitle walk to there mom and dads house*
flolz: lets take a quick resting break on this log here
larvitle: yah im tired from walking
*they both rest*
*something sneaked up there groceries and took them*
*flolz and larvitle woke up...*
flolz and larvitle; WHERES OUR GROCERIES?!
To be continued in chapter 2....
![[Image: 28chlsh.png]](http://i55.tinypic.com/28chlsh.png)
Ty rollie for sig!
![[-]](https://forum.monstermmorpg.com/images/dark-fire/collapse.png)
2011-07-18, 06:36 PM
why is it all bolded?
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
![[Image: ZekromSig.png]](http://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j450/xSilverFlamex/ZekromSig.png)
2011-07-18, 08:59 PM
can anyone give me ideas on what the monster would be that sneaked up the grocieres? i got nothin
Ty rollie for sig!
I'll review this like I would on fanfiction.net, so don't cry if you feel it is harsh.
"This lacks structure. The bolded words fail to make it clearer, in fact if anything it does the opposite of what you would like it to do. There should be well place paragraphs, ones that describe what is happening, rather than all of it being dialogue or action being in **'s. I think if you want it to be clear you should use Quotations "" and make some paragraphs. this is written more like a comic book without Pictures vs. a fully text artwork. I feel that there is a lack of effort to put together a properly worded and grammatically correct work of fanfiction.
Try harder and improve; you can do it, IF you put in the effort."
"This lacks structure. The bolded words fail to make it clearer, in fact if anything it does the opposite of what you would like it to do. There should be well place paragraphs, ones that describe what is happening, rather than all of it being dialogue or action being in **'s. I think if you want it to be clear you should use Quotations "" and make some paragraphs. this is written more like a comic book without Pictures vs. a fully text artwork. I feel that there is a lack of effort to put together a properly worded and grammatically correct work of fanfiction.
Try harder and improve; you can do it, IF you put in the effort."
CeFurkan Wrote:
@Nitz_X u really should leave this game
![[Image: kSLYA.png]](http://i.imgur.com/kSLYA.png)
