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Diana prepared for the gym slowly realizing there was not one person in the city. she could not find anyone at any shop just a deposit box for money and the items for sell. she bought what she needed and found the gym at the center but what she found there was quite problematic! not only was the leader there but Guardian Graphite and a new trainer was there looking like they all were ready to fight! "this is highly unpleasant to see is it not child?" the new trainer said. "i am the weakest of the sinister shadow seven! i am Ynus the fire shadow!" he spoke in a dark tone. "now you deal with all three of us kid!" Graphite said. and with that the battle started.

graphite sent out his nasty rhydon, while the leader sent out gengar #1, and ynus sent out a ninetails with drought as it's ability. Diana had to act quick and sent out BreakSword (dewott), Desiree (kirlia), and Rose (lalamon). using a strung together tactic to slowly take out the rhydon while using the gangar to fight the ninetail by dodging its moves the three villians lost their first mons and thankfully they only have one other mon each. graphite was reduced to his gigalith while ysun had a venusaur and the leader had his gangar #2. thanks to gangar being easily manipulated into fighting its teammates Diana only had to worry about the venusaur taking it down just as gangar lost its last bit of health to gigalith from there it was a quick mop up and Diana received the badge and the elemental seal of earth. graphite shamed by this lost fled never to be seen again.. maybe... but ynus had a different problem when he lost he literally faded away only having time to say "avenge me my brothers and sisters of the shadows!". Diana left the town and hopped onto the boat waiting for her she then watched as the town she was in faded away into millions of light filled orbs which made sense once she thought about it. "next stop kanto!" the captain spoke Diana too focused on the town to notice the captain was really K. Lamity in disguise.
[END OF CHAPTER 1!]

......hello.....

Good story

/has no idea what the flip is happening in this story, but continues to read it anyway. ;; xD

Anyway, this is a pretty nice story, even though I have no idea who these people are or what the heck is happening.

(2013-06-30, 02:46 AM)Icywolf Wrote: [ -> ]/has no idea what the flip is happening in this story, but continues to read it anyway. ;; xD

Anyway, this is a pretty nice story, even though I have no idea who these people are or what the heck is happening.

of course you don't this was the opening chapter; chapter 1 i will be moving on to more familiar areas first up is kanto!

It isn't bad

maybe you should break it into mini paragraphs or just use simple comma's because that looked to me everything was put together. Little changes like these will make it better and then go to the next step etc. Also just try and make sure not to make the character win battles easily

(2013-06-30, 09:37 PM)Dark.Zero Wrote: [ -> ]It isn't bad

maybe you should break it into mini paragraphs or just use simple comma's because that looked to me everything was put together. Little changes like these will make it better and then go to the next step etc. Also just try and make sure not to make the character win battles easily

still working on stuff but thanks for the help also the trainers for the first chapter are kinda sad on purpose i won't have battles be boring for long... (as in i will make them interesting from here on out to the best of my powers)

It just needs a little bit of grammar cleanup and some more meat, other than that, you've got a good idea.