Monster MMORPG Game Official Forum

As the Fire village train a boy finished monster school and begin with Larvitle.
Training in the Water Village was a boy with a Flolz.
They went and trained in a forest a met each other.
"Hey boy whats your name?" Waterslayer asked.
"Im FireBreath," FireBreath said politely. "Your from the Water Village right?"
"I sure am," Waterslayer said. "So rivals?"
"Yeah" FireBreath said.
As they shook there hands they begin training.
But then something was glowing on Larvitle.
"What's happening to Larvitle" Waterslayer asked.
"Larvitle is about to evolve to Horava" FireBreath said like a expert.
Then Flolz evolved and Larvitle did to.
"Hey evolving at the same time make us even." Waterslayer said.
"Hey little kids what are you doing?" A bully said.
He had a Volshii and a Frigatross.
"Lets say we all will be rivals," said the Bully. "My names Vector kids.
Starting tomorrow are goal is to beat the Champion."
"Ok" Waterslayer said bravely.

So as they returned Waterslayer and FireBreath trained.

The End

That was the shortest story ive read! why would they just go up to each other and already say we are rivals ok politely .-. and the bully needs to be more pushy. just complementing ok

I know its short because I don't want to write alot just on a backstory during chapters the story will be more

Well anyways it caught my attention >_<

Sorry but the beginning just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Also.. It just doesn't have any flow. It's like character - character - something new - new character - simple rivals.

It just seems like a dead, simple story. I wouldn't even call it a story. It's more like a short verse to a story.

Not even a summary.

Exactly ^ .

grammar fails.no continuitiy.

I dont get it. Why does a random dude walk up to people and ask to be a rival, rivals are not stated by words but by actions ^-^

why are you making volshi enemy = i hate it.

(2011-09-14, 10:28 PM)Ghost Wrote: [ -> ]I dont get it. Why does a random dude walk up to people and ask to be a rival, rivals are not stated by words but by actions ^-^

remember who the author is.

I feel like... making a new fanfiction '-'