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[untitled] Chapter: 1
Ghost Offline
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[untitled] Chapter: 1
** dei and grey inspired me to use my imagination and make a fan fiction :'D**

On an island close to a huge city is a small town, in the town their is the Third gym leader, a ghost type expert. Even though he's only the third gym he is very difficult to defeat. One day the gym leader went out on a expedition to discover new ghost monsters and had not returned. After months of closing down the gym re-opened and the burden of being the gym leader fell on the gym leaders first son Zero. Zero had no experience yet, he was a year off of beginning his journey (meaning he is 9), but Zero didnt want to be the gym leader, he had other goals in mind, he wanted to collect all the ancient gems and enter the ancient arena, but he didn't want to dishonor his family. Until his little brother was old enough to train and become the next gym leader; or until his father returned Zero HAD to be the gym leader.

**That was the first chapter, not much talking because i wanted to set the story line first, but next chapters gonna have quiet a lot of talking(: im okay with criticism, be completely honest about rating it**
Your life just got better. 

You're welcome.

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06-23-2011 04:02 AM
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Tobi Offline
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
Its Very short ghost but nice.
06-23-2011 04:55 AM
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Ghost Offline
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
This is the shortest it's gonna get, it was just to explain the storyline
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06-23-2011 05:24 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
Nice Tongue
06-23-2011 07:17 AM
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orboknown Away
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
pretty good,but some grammatical stuff needs fixing.
in the town their should be in the town THERE
went out on A expedition is probably AN expedition.
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
(This post was last modified: 06-24-2011 01:51 AM by orboknown.)
06-24-2011 01:36 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
(06-24-2011 01:36 AM)orboknown Wrote:  pretty good,but some grammatical stuff needs fixing.
in the town their should be in the town THERE
went out on A expedition is probably AN expidition.

you spelled expedition right the first time LOL
06-24-2011 01:40 AM
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orboknown Away
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RE: [untitled] Chapter: 1
(06-24-2011 01:40 AM)Deidara Wrote:  
(06-24-2011 01:36 AM)orboknown Wrote:  pretty good,but some grammatical stuff needs fixing.
in the town their should be in the town THERE
went out on A expedition is probably AN expidition.

you spelled expedition right the first time LOL
....darn it....its fixed now
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
(This post was last modified: 06-24-2011 01:51 AM by orboknown.)
06-24-2011 01:50 AM
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