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it begins (finally)
blackwayve Offline
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Post: #1
it begins (finally)
*just noting this is my first story being seen by other people don't judge me to badly; also noting this is based (except not really) on cave story*


it was a beautiful day when this mess all began. no one would ever guess what would happen in a mere two weeks when our guardian of the village left to stop some evil demon, who we have never heard of nor seen near our village, leaving us unprotected. one day after his leave a mysterious lady dresses in all purple showed up and went directly to the elder, who lived maybe three doors away from the temple of our gods/goddesses and could of easily stop her with powerful magic, and ended up dead when she poisoned his drink. now me and all the others ended up as slaves on the very next day; we knew that ever since the guardian beat that mad magician saving our island from a great fall a new evil would show up thankfully this lady in purple couldn't obtain the destroyed demon crown nor any red flowers but that didn't stop her from enslaving us poor mimigas. she has taken a liking to me, i happen to be the only mimiga that has purple fur and also i can use magic, and to be honest i don't mind. today she wants to see me for something; i just hope that it's something good cause i really don't want to end up as a pile of stone like my brother. i was about to find out as her mineral golems took me there what i saw just put me in a state i never thought i would be in... it seems that after two weeks the mistress was beginning to weaken and she wanted me to get a purple flower unfortunately it meant being forced...

[end first part]
hello people of the light and fellow darksiders shall the darkness protect you!

[Image: blackwayve_sig_by_seviper3-d5cijum.jpg]
03-05-2013 01:04 PM
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TimeTraveler Offline
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Post: #2
RE: it begins (finally)
I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
03-05-2013 03:09 PM
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Shadow11770 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:09 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
Hmm im not on your death list?
03-05-2013 03:22 PM
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TimeTraveler Offline
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Post: #4
RE: it begins (finally)
[/quote]
Hmm im not on your death list?
[/quote]

Why would you be? I have no grudge against you.
03-05-2013 03:26 PM
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Shadow11770 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: it begins (finally)
Hmm im not on your death list?
[/quote]

Why would you be? I have no grudge against you.
[/quote]


If i do remember right you sent me a nice hate message a few days ago.
03-05-2013 03:29 PM
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Knost Offline
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Post: #6
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:09 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
I see I'm on your list which is really, very cute. 

Since you're correcting grammar, you should know that in your sig's ''people I'd like beat down by'' list, you used 'their' instead of 'they're' which would have been correct Smile 

You're welcome.
"If you don't like your destiny, don't accept it. Instead, have the courage to change it the way you want it to be"
03-05-2013 03:30 PM
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TimeTraveler Offline
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Post: #7
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:29 PM)Shadow11770 Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:26 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  
Hmm im not on your death list?

Why would you be? I have no grudge against you.
[/quote]


If i do remember right you sent me a nice hate message a few days ago.
[/quote]

I don't remember that message. I'll check my outbox.

(03-05-2013 03:30 PM)Knost Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:09 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
I see I'm on your list which is really, very cute. 

Since you're correcting grammar, you should know that in your sig's ''people I'd like beat down by'' list, you used 'their' instead of 'they're' which would have been correct Smile 

You're welcome.

Thanks Knost. I'll go to my control panel.
(This post was last modified: 03-05-2013 03:32 PM by TimeTraveler.)
03-05-2013 03:31 PM
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Knost Offline
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Post: #8
RE: it begins (finally)
BTW this is pretty good for your first attempt at writing. Keep it up.
"If you don't like your destiny, don't accept it. Instead, have the courage to change it the way you want it to be"
03-05-2013 03:33 PM
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Shadow11770 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:30 PM)Knost Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:09 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
I see I'm on your list which is really, very cute. 

Since you're correcting grammar, you should know that in your sig's ''people I'd like beat down by'' list, you used 'their' instead of 'they're' which would have been correct Smile 

You're welcome.
Lol right its cute Smile
03-05-2013 03:33 PM
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TimeTraveler Offline
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Post: #10
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:33 PM)Knost Wrote:  BTW this is pretty good for your first attempt at writing. Keep it up.

Thanks. I had some practice in elementary school. I've been typing on the computer ever since I was 12. I just need to correct my spelling by searching words on Google.
03-05-2013 03:37 PM
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Knost Offline
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Post: #11
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:37 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:33 PM)Knost Wrote:  BTW this is pretty good for your first attempt at writing. Keep it up.

Thanks. I had some practice in elementary school. I've been typing on the computer ever since I was 12. I just need to correct my spelling by searching words on Google.
That comment wasn't for you, but congrats on learning how to Google things I guess lol
"If you don't like your destiny, don't accept it. Instead, have the courage to change it the way you want it to be"
03-05-2013 03:39 PM
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TimeTraveler Offline
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Post: #12
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:39 PM)Knost Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:37 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:33 PM)Knost Wrote:  BTW this is pretty good for your first attempt at writing. Keep it up.

Thanks. I had some practice in elementary school. I've been typing on the computer ever since I was 12. I just need to correct my spelling by searching words on Google.
That comment wasn't for you, but congrats on learning how to Google things I guess lol

Ouch. Big misunderstanding there.
03-05-2013 03:41 PM
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zacherymatthews Away
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Post: #13
RE: it begins (finally)
Hmm im not on your death list?
[/quote]

Why would you be? I have no grudge against you.
[/quote]

Seems i am not on your "death list"
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03-06-2013 07:37 AM
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iRemember Offline
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Post: #14
RE: it begins (finally)
I want to be on the death list too Sad
03-06-2013 10:44 AM
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blackwayve Offline
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Post: #15
RE: it begins (finally)
(03-05-2013 03:31 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:29 PM)Shadow11770 Wrote:  Hmm im not on your death list?

Why would you be? I have no grudge against you.


If i do remember right you sent me a nice hate message a few days ago.
[/quote]

I don't remember that message. I'll check my outbox.

(03-05-2013 03:30 PM)Knost Wrote:  
(03-05-2013 03:09 PM)TimeTraveler Wrote:  I'm interested in your story, but you fail to understand basic sentence structure such as paragraph breaking. Some of the sentences seem to be run-on's. You did not capitalize the first word in your second sentence. The sentence structure isn't a very big deal though, as I came here just for the story.

A point I also must bring up is that you did not tell me what a "mimiga" is. It's not a human, that's for sure. I would like to know what kind of animals are in the story before you go any further.
I see I'm on your list which is really, very cute. 

Since you're correcting grammar, you should know that in your sig's ''people I'd like beat down by'' list, you used 'their' instead of 'they're' which would have been correct Smile 

You're welcome.

Thanks Knost. I'll go to my control panel.
[/quote]


keep this in mind I'm autistic so this is never going to be perfect but yes i should tell the readers what a mimiga exactly is (that i can do easily enough, or if people really cared that much they could look up them but I'll put what they are next part (and yes they aren't human that is obvious)
hello people of the light and fellow darksiders shall the darkness protect you!

[Image: blackwayve_sig_by_seviper3-d5cijum.jpg]
(This post was last modified: 03-08-2013 03:34 PM by blackwayve.)
03-08-2013 03:33 PM
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