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Human jokes
SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #1
Human jokes
Remember in old forum we had the blonde jokes and the redneck jokes?

They were funny lol

Post jokes that you know. It can be about blondes, brunettes, rednecks, idk what else is there.

Forum rules apply. No inappropriate jokes.

In this thread, you can use the word "stupid" okay Tongue

Nothing else.
07-23-2011 08:01 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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RE: Human jokes
1)A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"



2) A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
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(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 08:08 AM by ItsHowIRoll.)
07-23-2011 08:07 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Human jokes
lol very funnny
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07-23-2011 08:09 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Human jokes
Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland,
when one of the blondes read the sign, "Disneyland left".
So they went home...
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07-23-2011 08:10 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Human jokes
Blonde Jokes are the best XD

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 08:17 AM by SparrowHawk.)
07-23-2011 08:14 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Human jokes
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon
came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"
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(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 08:22 AM by Pein.)
07-23-2011 08:20 AM
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Post: #7
RE: Human jokes
"Hey there, you wanna, DESTROY ALL HUMANS?"

Bender BENDER!

Huh, what what the? Yeah fry what is it?

Uh, nothing,

OKAY GOODNIGHT

zzZ

"Hey there hot mama,wanna... DESTROY ALL HUMANS!?"

... AHHH
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07-23-2011 08:23 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Human jokes
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
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07-23-2011 08:26 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Human jokes
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
07-23-2011 08:28 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Human jokes
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
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07-23-2011 08:29 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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RE: Human jokes
(07-23-2011 08:29 AM)Pein Wrote:  A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

lol
07-23-2011 08:31 AM
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Nitz_X Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Human jokes
(07-23-2011 08:29 AM)Pein Wrote:  A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

Im glad i have black hair
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@Nitz_X u really should leave this game
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07-23-2011 08:49 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Human jokes
lol nitz
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07-23-2011 08:52 AM
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hello4321 Offline
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RE: Human jokes
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
07-23-2011 09:13 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Human jokes
technically it counts as human so ill add it....

Team Dark Kids

Everyone knew it was coming
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(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 09:59 AM by ItsHowIRoll.)
07-23-2011 09:16 AM
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hello4321 Offline
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RE: Human jokes
huh? well yeah sure.............Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
07-23-2011 09:18 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Human jokes
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The mother answered; "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered; "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says; "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Dad says we developed from monkeys?"
The mother answers, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

2)“Hey, Mom,” asked Johnny “can you give me twenty dollars?”

“Certainly not.”

“If you do,” he went on, “I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”

He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.”

3)Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.
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(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 09:23 AM by ItsHowIRoll.)
07-23-2011 09:21 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Human jokes
(07-23-2011 09:13 AM)hello4321 Wrote:  A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

I don't understand that .-.
07-23-2011 09:23 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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RE: Human jokes
(07-23-2011 09:23 AM)Deidara Wrote:  
(07-23-2011 09:13 AM)hello4321 Wrote:  A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

I don't understand that .-.

The barber will always give him the 2 quarters until he picks the dollar which make the barber stupid
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07-23-2011 09:25 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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RE: Human jokes
(07-23-2011 09:25 AM)ItsHowIRoll Wrote:  
(07-23-2011 09:23 AM)Deidara Wrote:  
(07-23-2011 09:13 AM)hello4321 Wrote:  A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

I don't understand that .-.

The barber will always give him the 2 quarters until he picks the dollar which make the barber stupid

Oh. I just read it and didn't think about it lol
07-23-2011 09:27 AM
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ItsHowIRoll Offline
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RE: Human jokes
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

A thought.
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07-23-2011 09:28 AM
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Pein Offline
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RE: Human jokes
of course you didnt think bout it
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07-23-2011 09:28 AM
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RE: Human jokes
How do you make a blonde girl go crazy?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
07-23-2011 09:29 AM
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RE: Human jokes
If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde fool! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
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(This post was last modified: 07-23-2011 09:40 AM by ItsHowIRoll.)
07-23-2011 09:39 AM
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hello4321 Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Human jokes
hmm nobody laughed at the magic lantern oneTongue
07-23-2011 09:48 AM
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RE: Human jokes
You say no inappropriate jokes, but the very nature of these jokes are inappropriate. XD

Great job, guys.
07-27-2011 07:47 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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RE: Human jokes
(07-27-2011 07:47 AM)GiantBlobofSlime Wrote:  You say no inappropriate jokes, but the very nature of these jokes are inappropriate. XD

Great job, guys.

Not my fault if they do it. I clearly posted it in the OP saying no inappropriate jokes.

<_<
07-27-2011 07:57 AM
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Pein Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Human jokes
all blonde jokes are inappropriate wats your point
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07-27-2011 08:00 AM
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RE: Human jokes
(07-27-2011 08:00 AM)Pein Wrote:  all blonde jokes are inappropriate wats your point

Not at all. Blonde jokes are basically just stating how stupidly funny a blonde chick can be.
07-27-2011 08:02 AM
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Pein Offline
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RE: Human jokes
yea but they find those on internet and most are insulting
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07-27-2011 08:05 AM
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