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FireBreath (Backstory)
AuthorFire Offline
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FireBreath (Backstory)
As the Fire village train a boy finished monster school and begin with Larvitle.
Training in the Water Village was a boy with a Flolz.
They went and trained in a forest a met each other.
"Hey boy whats your name?" Waterslayer asked.
"Im FireBreath," FireBreath said politely. "Your from the Water Village right?"
"I sure am," Waterslayer said. "So rivals?"
"Yeah" FireBreath said.
As they shook there hands they begin training.
But then something was glowing on Larvitle.
"What's happening to Larvitle" Waterslayer asked.
"Larvitle is about to evolve to Horava" FireBreath said like a expert.
Then Flolz evolved and Larvitle did to.
"Hey evolving at the same time make us even." Waterslayer said.
"Hey little kids what are you doing?" A bully said.
He had a Volshii and a Frigatross.
"Lets say we all will be rivals," said the Bully. "My names Vector kids.
Starting tomorrow are goal is to beat the Champion."
"Ok" Waterslayer said bravely.

So as they returned Waterslayer and FireBreath trained.

The End
Knowing if you judge others, life continue as the way it was..

And by the way The Game You Lost.
09-08-2011 09:47 AM
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Treason Offline
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Post: #2
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
That was the shortest story ive read! why would they just go up to each other and already say we are rivals ok politely .-. and the bully needs to be more pushy. just complementing ok Smile
[Image: Zelda.jpg]"Don't mess with Treason. Team Chrono~Private 1st Class
09-08-2011 09:52 AM
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AuthorFire Offline
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Post: #3
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
I know its short because I don't want to write alot just on a backstory during chapters the story will be more
Knowing if you judge others, life continue as the way it was..

And by the way The Game You Lost.
09-08-2011 09:54 AM
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Treason Offline
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Post: #4
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
Well anyways it caught my attention >_<
[Image: Zelda.jpg]"Don't mess with Treason. Team Chrono~Private 1st Class
09-08-2011 10:06 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #5
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
Sorry but the beginning just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Also.. It just doesn't have any flow. It's like character - character - something new - new character - simple rivals.

It just seems like a dead, simple story. I wouldn't even call it a story. It's more like a short verse to a story.

Not even a summary.
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2011 10:20 AM by SparrowHawk.)
09-08-2011 10:18 AM
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Treason Offline
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Post: #6
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
Exactly ^ .
[Image: Zelda.jpg]"Don't mess with Treason. Team Chrono~Private 1st Class
09-08-2011 10:20 AM
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orboknown Away
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Post: #7
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
grammar fails.no continuitiy.
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
09-11-2011 03:26 AM
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Ghost Offline
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Post: #8
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
I dont get it. Why does a random dude walk up to people and ask to be a rival, rivals are not stated by words but by actions ^-^
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09-15-2011 08:28 AM
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darckx Offline
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Post: #9
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
why are you making volshi enemy = i hate it.
09-15-2011 10:20 PM
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orboknown Away
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Post: #10
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
(09-15-2011 08:28 AM)Ghost Wrote:  I dont get it. Why does a random dude walk up to people and ask to be a rival, rivals are not stated by words but by actions ^-^
remember who the author is.
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
09-16-2011 04:37 AM
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SparrowHawk Offline
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Post: #11
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
I feel like... making a new fanfiction '-'
09-16-2011 04:56 AM
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orboknown Away
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Post: #12
RE: FireBreath (Backstory)
[Image: doItNow.jpg]
Quote: Do you hear the Whisper Men The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men then turn away your ears
Do not hear the Whisper Men whatever else you do
For once you've heard the Whisper Men they'll stop. And look at you.
09-16-2011 04:58 AM
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